Wow! Someone actually listened to my show! My girlfriend doesn’t even listen to it and she’s been ON the fuckin’ thing…TWICE! I really hope you enjoyed them and thanks for writing to me; it made my day.
P.S. - Surrounded by cats and bullshitting on the internet, all going well so far.
Some Jerk, PT, and Paul discuss another Japanese movie that hates women for some reason, why tapeworms are a poor diet aide, and how nudity isn’t sexy if it’s in an outhouse.
Medieval Fail —- The Funeral of King William the Great
King William the Great of Normandy, also known as William the Conquerer, is famous in history as being the Norman Duke who conquered England. Uniting England under the Norman banner, William removed the last Anglo Saxon king from power, and created his own kingdom, changing English society, language, and governance forever.
On the 9th of September, 1087, William the Conqueror died at Rouen. Williams corpse was left in its death bed as everyone who attended his death scurried to get their affairs in order. Williams dead body was pretty much forgotten as chaos ensued due to his death. His servants had even stolen his clothes and his body lied naked for a few days. Finally, the clergy took possession of the corpse and had it sent to Caen, where it was to be buried at St. Stephens church, as per William’s last wishes. By then the body had been left unburied for two weeks, and was becoming bloated and putrid.
His funeral was attended by all the clergy, nobles, and royal attendants of the land. A tomb had been cut into the floor of the church for Williams grave. The funeral was conducted by the Bishop of Normandy, but in mid service a commotion interrupted the service as a citizen of Caen forced himself inside the church. He was the former owner of the property, and his land had been illegally seized by William, who commissioned the building of the church, without due compensation. The allegations were immediately investigated and found to be true, at which point the man was compensated and sent on his way.
The funeral reconvened later in the day. At the end of the service the body was lowered into the tomb, but a problem arose. William the Conqueror had become quite fat, not doing any conquering in quite a while. This combined with the putrefaction of his corpse caused the body to be much bigger than the tomb. The body was unceremoniously stuffed into the tomb with the lid placed on top. A group of bishops applied pressure to the lid, but the bloated corpse would not budge. They pushed harder, and suddenly the abdomen of the king burst, splattering pus, blood, and rotting flesh throughout the tomb and sarcophagus. A stench burst forth throughout St. Stephen that no burning of frankincense or any other incense could mask. Many of the attendants, with kerchiefs to their noses, raced out the cathedral to escape the smell. The service was hastily concluded and his corpse was allowed to rot in peace.